In a state of depression.

I hate to say this but I think I have depression. I've been sad and been crying for a long time now and this is not normal. It's more painful than having a break up or reminiscing my past love lost. 

Every morning, I always think of a way how to enjoy the day. Everyday, I always ask myself, "What am I gonna do today?" Everyday, I wake up, having the same routine. I have no one to talk to, I often write a letter or play on my iPad or do crafts. How long will I be like this? I mean, I don't want to be like this for  the next 6months or so. I don't want to see my friends or relatives because I'm embarrassed to where I am today. I get really sensitive with that issue and every time that is being talked about, I felt like my tears are gonna fall and I will start crying again.

I always say to myself with a pat on my back, "Okay lang yan, mahal ka naman ni Lord at ng pamilya mo. Di ka naman nila papabayaan eh." But the embarrassment itself is just too much to handle. I want to make the living for them. I have so many plans on the future and I want to happen today, one by one. 

Today, I want something incredible to happen, kahit kausap lang masaya na ako. But I don't think I can be happy right now. I don't think I can show my smile. When I see my previous photos, I seem to be very happy but now, it's like there is something missing. I want that back.  This is more hurtful than a break up.

Every day and night, I pray to You my Lord, hoping that day will come. I will not give up, who says that's an option. I believe in you and in myself. Sabi nga ni Maya, "Nasa tao ang gawa, nasa Diyos ang awa."

Life after graduation.

Well today, I will share something. It's been in my mind and I think I need to let it out. 

What is my life after graduation? I already had my vacation and its time for me find my work. Maybe a stable one. And as of today, I haven't got any. I had several interviews last week and I think God has a bigger plan for me. For the last 2 days, I cried because of that. I really cried hard, it came to a point that I want to give up already. But you know what, I must not. I have to keep on going. I am still young and have a lot of potential. I am willing to sacrifice anything just to have my dream job. If I can have a job, I want something na ginusto ko not something na sapilitan. I want to enjoy my employment and what I need to do is thoroughly look for that.

There will be a time when you can give or think na it's not gonna happen pero put all your worries to God and he will make a way. He will not let you down.

To all my colleagues, try and try until we succeed. Kaya natin to guys 😀🙏🙏

Summer 2013

This summer, I got to spend it at Baguio and Pangasinan, before I apply for work, I decided to have a small vacation. We got Alaminos Beach, Manaoag and of course Baguio. I am with my mom together with some relatives. I enjoy our visit in Baguio because I got to see the strawberry farm, which I am a big strawberry lover. Hahaha. Also we headed down to Burnham Park, Mines View and The Mansion.

I told to myself, I really want to live here. Seriously. Hahahahaha. I like the cozy weather, at the same time, the fresh air. Veggies and fruits are really fresh. I though I might live very long if I live here. Hahahahaha. To all the tourist, come and see Baguio. I will assure you, you will enjoy every moment you are there.

It's more fun in the Philippines. 😄