Showcase results:

Last time, I've posted something here about our showcase for Coach Aye Alba and I succeeded.  I choose Laidback, Whack and Popping/Breakdance. Although its not pulido, I manage to get on that floor and do my best and  I got good feedbacks.

1st. Coach said I can have a potential in doing a routine especially in whack and  I got good combinations. :)

2nd. I got 1.0 grades for both of his choreography. :) Yey!

I love how coach brings the best in ourselves. :)

Fucking PISSED.

"Alam mo yung feeling na effort na effort ka gumawa ng research yet no one has ever thanked you?"

IKAW NA GUMAWA, NARESEARCH, NAGDALA NG LAPTOP, NAG EDIT, NAG PRINT AT NAG PASA! Tapos ano, pare pareho tayo ng grade? Motherfuckerrr! Osige may nagawa na kung may nagawa. Gahd damn it, mas pinili pa atang makipag daldalan habang nakikita kong nagka-cramming. GOSH. Habang sinusulat ko 'toh, YUNG INIS KO ABOT HANGGANG SINGITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Yung inis ko parang nagbabagang apoy sa kalan. HAHAHA OA? 

ALAM MO FEELING KO AFTER NETO HINDI KITA ICOCONSIDER AS A FRIEND, INCOMPETENT, IRRESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING. GAGO! Never kitang kukunin na kaklase at IKAW AY ISA LANG SA MGA TAONG KAKILALA LANG SA MUNDO.

Showcase.

Coach Aye assigned us to prepare a simple routine using 3 different dance styles, 1 old school and 2 new school dance styles. I chose LAIDBACK/ HOUSE, Swag and Whack. :)

My playlist isn't final, but I listed some:
1. Rock With U - Janet Jackson
2. Fix You - Coldplay
3. Found My Swag - The Bangz
4. Shake That - The Rangers
5. Till the End of Time - Beyonce
6. one song from Nicki Minaj and Rihanna

I dont know what to do about this. My mind isnt set for this kind of assignments. HAHAHA Well, I will do my best for this. I hope so. Coach will check on it Thursday. :| Only 6 days left yet I have none. :| Awwwww. HELP? HAHAHA

Internet's broke.

GAHD. My internet's broke and i'm back to my old routine, every week P50.00. NOOOOO! ill fix it! Yes, while doing that, I'll be applying for a plan at Globe. Free Blackbery for 698 per month. Unli text, unli call and BBM. That's for 24 mos. I hope I can pay it at a right time. :)

Fashion Forward

Last Saturday, Mar 10, 2012. We had our little fashion shoot at UP Diliman, where in we got dressed for casual and rock chic. *Some of the photos are uploaded in my facebook account, just add and search me, Jen Cruz Pascua. :) This is just a try out so sorry for fail photos :) Thanks to Paul Fausto for lending us his SLR camera. :) and to Stephanie Puse, Jesha Estipular and Natasha Jocson for participating.

We started at 11am and ended at 4pm. It was an exhausted day and happy as well. We achieved something we didn't expect. Next time we will be ready. :) Here are some photos:

Jen Pascua for 21st Century Girl

Jesha Estipular for Sweet Preppy

Stephanie Puse for Rock Chic

Natasha Jocson for Sultry Siren.

Dream High!

Time check: 4:11 am and I'm still awake. Kakatapos ko lang naman po kasi manood ng korean drama, Dream High. It's about reaching your dreams, trials and victories. It involves 6 talented student of Kirin Arts School who are willing to do anything just to reach for their own dreams and goals. Each and every student have its own talent whether it is dancing or singing, they can handle it. VERY TALENTED indeed.

While watching this, I ask myself, "Hanggang saan ka tatagal para makuha mo at maabot ang mga pangarap mo?" I ask myself because I encounter this kind of feeling that I want to give because somebody stole my dream. I was devastated and unmotivated. I felt like, "Para san pa ang effort ko, kung sa kanya din mapupunta?"

Each and every one of us have their time to shine, we just have to wait. We have to be patient. We need to make sure that we can handle it when the time comes, that we are prepared and ready. That we are very sure with the decision we will be taking. Each and every one of us is unique in such different ways. There is no such thing as " WORTHLESS ".

I personally enjoyed watching this korean drama. It is about youth, love, friendship and goals. This is the kind of drama that is suitable for all ages. It has a touch of family and friendship. Readers, you should watch it. YOU WILL ENJOY IT. :""""> DREAM HIGH!

Food buddies.

Lately, Steph, Jesha and me are having fun eating. HAHAHA, we started on milk teas, SERENITEA to be exact. Then yesterday, we have Pizza Hut. HAHA Are we food buddies now? :D Every week, we have a get together food hunt. HAHA I love it even though it's a bit pricey. I enjoy it. OKAY LANG :D

I think tataba ako sa ganito eh. HAHA For next sat, we will have Moon Leaf Tea Shop at Marikina. :) :) :)

I believe.

I believe everything has its own reason. God put up so many problems for us because He knows we can conquer it. He knows we can handle it. He knows we can never quit. Problems are brought to us by destiny. It has its own reason, to make us stronger and harder. We will get through this. I know it. With all courage and bravery, we will never be lost. Let's conquer this with full force. I know it guys! :) :)

What's happening?

What's happening to us guys? Hindi ibig sabihin na may nagalit, kelangan na nating magkalimutan. Awww. Nakakalungkot naman yung ganito. Juskooowwww. Pare-parehas naman pala tayo ng situation eh, bakit parang ang sakit mo makapag salita? Hindi ba pwedeng sa mahinahon na paraan mo sabihin yan? Gosh. What's wrong with you. I-share mo kasi ng wala kang nasasabing kinikimkim mo sa loob. Sana maging maayos din ang lahat.

I hope this will be okay someday. All is well. END.

Game Over?

It seems that they are back again? WTH. I thought FRIENDS muna? Ano na naman yang nararamdaman ko na nag sisimula kayo ulit? Ano ba? Give chance to other naman dre. Try mo. Pwede bang wag nyo na ibalik? Sakin ka na lang. Wag mo na siya. Everyday, I pray to God that you will be mine. Awwww. NOOOO please. Para akong sumalang sa gyera na walang armas.

I saw you looking at me. :""""> Ayyy parang hindi. :|

Advice.

I took a friendly advice from one of my loveliest friend, ate Natasha Jocson. I ask her how to capture a man's heart. And she answers my question. These are her answer.

1. Change for the better. Since I'm not a girly type, why don't I change for a bit. Like being a girly for a day. That'll make his attention look on me. Diba? Kahit once lang. Maybe for him and also for myself.

2. Communicate. We are friends and I got the chance to communicate to him everyday but not that intense. In this way, I will know if he got some interest in me. Well, kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, hindi namn kami nagkakatext eh kaya I'll find a wa for him to fall for me.

3.  MAGPA-MISS. Ate Tash said na magaling daw ako sa ganito. Haha. Hmm, how? Like for an example, we talked a lot for today, then the next day, we will not. Parang ganun.

4. JUST BE YOURSELF. the best advice. Yan na lang ang tanging paraan. Hindi naman ako nagpapakita kaagad ng motibo eh. Kasi ang ginagawa ko, observe observe muna hindi yung parang ahas na tutuklaw na agad. I know my limits.

Sabi nya ni ate tash. Give him something na magugustuhan nya. Hindi man ako magpakita ng motibo, parang mavi-vibe na yung pinapahiwatig ko. It's good to fall in love again pero don't assume. There will always be a right time. Make him special. By your own ways. Small gestures can be deceptive. Sa ngayon kasi, I'm noticing  yung mga ways nya na hindi nya ginagawa sakin before. I dont want to assume pero sana may meaning  yung mga yun. :) SANA HINDI AKO MAILANG. :) NO NO NO NO.

I may not be your ideal girl. I may not be pretty as her. But I will love you like no one else does. Pinapray ko na lang ngayon na maging maayos ang lahat. At sana nga ito na. Ang blog na ito ang magiging diary ko para sa mga gustong makaalam at ma inspire. Chos!! :)

HOT.

SUMMER is near and it is so hottttttttt! >:| Grabe na yung init ngayon, especially pag naglalakad ako papuntang school. Nangingitim na ako. I even stop using Koji-san because I noticed na mas umiitim ako pag nabababad sa araw. Hayyy. I even bring my umbrella everyday, para iwas heat stroke. Next time, I'll bring my own jug for my water. Bawal madehydrate. One thing na kinaiinis ko pa is pang naka-pants ako, super init and sticky ng feeling. Bawal naman magshort. Sa summer class pa. Eh may 1 month pa before that. Tiis tiis din. I want to buy loose blouses. Grabe kasi pag colored shirt ako, sobrang init. Dapat puro pastel and bright color susuotin para refresh sa katawan.Dapat everyday bagong ligo. HAHA Kasi mainit, mas prone to body odor. Ayoko naman magkaganon. Tsss.

I don't like the weather pero okay naman sya minsan kasi minsan windy then makulimlim tas minsan sobrang init. Ito yung mga moments na gusto mo lang humilata sa ilalim ng puno sa probinsya. Bakasyong bakasyon ka na eh. Mga moment na kumakain ka ng mangga at bagoong. Moment na lumalangoy ka sa swimming pool o dagat. Ito yung moment nag pagninilay. Mga moment na gusto mo lang humiga at lasapin ang fresh air.

Bakasyong bakasyon na ako. Gusto kong pumunta sa probinsya ngayon. Mag relax relax. Pag nasa probinsya kasi, no worries! No pollution. Babait pa ng mga tao. :""""> Na-miss ko Pangasinan. :)

Summer is super near and you can tell it by the weather. Sana it won't get hotter than this! x|| Kakamatay ang init.

Fall back in love.

It's been a year or a month since  I last liked a GUY! Oh myyyy. :"""""""> This is one of the moments where I can't understand myself.

First thing, DON'T EXPECT. YOU MIGHT END IN A WRONG ENDING. YOU MIGHT END UP BROKEN HEARTED. YOU MIGHT EXPECT TOO MUCH AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. What? Hahaha. Hmmm, how can I say this? I'm feeling a like now. AHAHAHA. Puro tawa? De. Serious na.

At first, I got so curious of his personality. Parang gusto ko pa syang kilalanin. Then I thought he mght be the one I am looking for. He represents a gentleman. Shit hindi ko alam ang isusulat ko. HAHAHA Masyado akong bangenge sa post na ito. Hayyy naku. Nababaliw akooooooo! >:(

I want him by my side. Period. Those 6 six explains it all. I WANT HIM BY MY SIDE. But I guess I can't demand for more, why? Because, he experienced a serious heartache. My friend told me that he doesn't want a friend to be his gf. He has a new textmate and I don't get the chance to text to him. That heartache that make his heart fragile. I don't want to expect something from him, I don't want to dictate his heart. I don't want to push myself to him. I will let time decides and make him fall for me without any effort. I WILL LET TIME DECIDE. I don't wan to look as if ako yung naghahabol sa kanya. I just want to play it cool. And cherish every moment we are together. (me ganun)

I love this feeling but  I also hate it at the same time. Well, this will be our little secret! :"""">

Bipolar Disorder.

Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and moodwith or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to asmania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.^[1] These events are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling. Severe manic episodes can sometimes lead to such psychoticsymptoms as delusions and hallucinations. The disorder has been subdivided into bipolar I,bipolar II, cyclothymia, and other types, based on the nature and severity of mood episodes experienced; the range is often described as the bipolar spectrum.

This explains all. Lately, I'm experiencing mood swings and it affects the people around me. It's hard to handle. One day I'm happy, next day I'm sad. I don't really meant to be that kind of bipolar. But based on what I've read, this is particularly same with mood swings. I don't know how did this happen. 

Sometimes, I wan't to be alone. Just want to walk alone. Go somewhere far away from the people I used to be everyday. I'm having a very hard time nowadays, plus the fact that there are too much stress in school and home. I don't want to have them at the same time. I want to walk alone, and take some time thinking about the things around me. I need answer. Answer that I will understand. Answer that will make me cheerful again.

Somehow, I've lost my self confidence. WHY? It's like I'm a rose without a water. Hopeless and senseless. I feel that I am not worth it. I feel that I've lost all my confidence. Insecurities run into my head. I felt that no one can ever save me from this quicksand. I just need somebody to lean on. I felt that I AM NOW WORTH HAVING.

I don't need someone who can listen only to me. Yet, I WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND ME.